Taylor Swift is not my friend.
No friend would intentionally cause me such woe, such misfortune, such outright humiliation!
Last night, while bagging groceries, something uncomfortable happened, and I blame Taylor Swift.
Happening in my head:
Open a bag, put in my loaf of bread. Then my can of pasta sauce. Here comes the pineapple (I know I know, I'm smashing the bread), then the sausage, my mind starts to wander a little bit... ok now a new bag, in goes the bag of apples... hey this is a healthy trip to the grocery store... ketchup... frank's hot sauce... box of crackers...... tomatoes... lettuce...
WAIT
What just happened... please don't let me have said that out loud... quick look around... horrified faces everywhere... oh my... I did just say that out loud. A 6'8" 300lb man, just sang "I'd dance in a storm in my best dress, fearless" in a crowded grocery store, completely unware... and that man was me.
How dare she compose such a catchy lyric and melody that it actually imprinted itself into my brain to the point where I absent mindedly SANG IT IN PUBLIC!? I have sung exactly zero notes since 2nd grade, and THIS is what pops out?
No, I can guarantee you this: Taylor Swift is not my friend.
